“I don’t have an agenda, but I do have a point of view, and it might change from minute to minute.”
-Anthony Bourdain
After this past week, I’m feeling overwhelmingly compelled to share among, what I assume, millions of others. To share my sadness and my inspiration. I haven’t been able to shake my intense feelings of grief.
I’ve had so many thoughts bubbling up that they needed to transcend into writing and sharing. So, here we are.
I’m not normally affected by celebrity deaths, as I rarely feel a connection to someone I’ve never met; and certainly not affected by someone when I irregularly watch their TV shows. I had only read one of his books and I can’t even remember which one it was; although I know it wasn’t Kitchen Confidential.
But with Anthony Bourdain, I feel heartbroken. And from the outpour of emotions over the internet, so are a lot of other people across the globe. He didn’t realize the effect he had on the world when he decided to leave it.
Yes, he was a drug-addict, likely an alcoholic and obviously couldn’t keep a marriage together. But he was a teacher in so many ways despite his flaws (hey, we all have them and they differ from person to person).
At this point, you’ve probably realized that this post doesn’t contain any well-lit yoga pictures. You won’t learn how to do the perfect downward dog today. And quite frankly, it’s not necessarily going to be the most uplifting of a post – most likely a travesty for a yoga and wellness blog. And there won’t be a ‘Call-to-Action’ on this page so you don’t have to worry about deciding whether or not to sign up for my newsletter. If you feel compelled to do so after reading this, please go forth and give me your email address.
And it’s more-than-okay for this to be darker than normal, because we are human. Even the celebrities that are surprisingly unhappy are surprisingly human. They’re doing the best they can with what they have. And I’m feeling intense human emotions while I’m writing this as I hold back the feelings of choking up.
One time in a job interview, the interviewer asked what my dream job would be. I responded with “Anthony Bourdain”. Apparently unimpressed, as another person later told me to not to say that in a job interview – I got hired anyway.
Cheeky for the win.
I’ve always dreamed of travelling and making gobs of money doing it. Side note: did you cringe when I said I wanted to make gobs of money? Well, that’s your own bullshit to work through, because money isn’t the enemy unless you make it that way.
I crave the constant sense of adventure – the different ways of living, strange or common scents of food, standing out with my basic pale skin, blue eyes and blonde hair, and having no idea what street signs say. Carrying with you what’s only necessary. It’s refreshing to get out of comfort zones. He was, in a sense, my ultimate idol.
“I travel around the world, eat a lot of shit and basically do whatever the fuck I want.”
He taught us to find connection when we’re uncomfortable with the common denominator of food. To feel a little less afraid of the unknown. To say ‘fuck it’ to safety and to go for what you want in life. He was the living example of success by being your true self. Because, in the end, what do you have to lose?
And with his death, a part of my inspiration seemed to feel like it also died. If the dream wasn’t worth it, why would I continue to be inspired by it?
On the flip side, I’m feeling more inspired than ever to fiercely chase my dreams. Because the person I looked up to, who did just that, is gone, and now I’m my own source of inspiration from here on out.
And that’s the one positive – if there is one. People stopped living vicariously through someone they didn’t know, and are shifting to being their own inspiration in life. Flaws and all.
We’re all likely quite aware of our flaws. How can we not be? They come up in our relationships, our jobs,our own thoughts – sometimes we get called out on them. But it takes another beast to work on those flaws. And it sucks. Quite frankly, there’s a part of me that despises ‘self-growth’, because of how goddamn uncomfortable it is. There are parts of me that I don’t necessarily want to let go of.
I happen to love my “spiciness”. My no bullshit and bossy attitude. The sometimes abrasiveness of my personality. My ability to learn things at an incredible rate. I love it all.
And I’ve been loving these parts even more for this past week. We need to all overwhelmingly love ourselves – all of ourselves. We can strongly love ourselves while finding the self-growth that pushes our comfort zones to be better. Yes, I constantly work on all those things as well.
Balance applies in this area of our lives too.
“Even more despised than the Brunch People are the vegetarians. Serious cooks regard these members of the dining public—and their Hezbollah-like splinter faction, the vegans—as enemies of everything that’s good and decent in the human spirit. To live life without veal or chicken stock, fish cheeks, sausages, cheese, or organ meats is treasonous.”
A controversial quote in this day and age as the number of vegans increase every day. Don’t worry – I’m a happy vegetarian and can simply appreciate another person’s opinion. And you should too.
If you want people to embrace you for all of you, then you need to do the same with others. Stop the judgement and laugh at what you find ridiculous.
I’ve been re-evaluating myself; my thoughts and mindset. Ideas I latch onto that don’t mean a damn thing. And more and more I’m coming to the conclusion to continue celebrating myself. The good and the bad. It’s healthy and sometimes hurts as you grow into something new.
There will be people that you connect with more than others – that’s part of human relationships. That doesn’t mean that those people you don’t connect with are wrong or horrible. They’re bravely doing their thing while you’re doing yours – which is how it should be. This is humanity and we’re blessed to be able to do so.
If you’re feeling stuck with loving yourself, here’s a quick exercise: grab a piece of paper and a pen and write down three things that you’re a complete badass at. Revel in the fact that you’re a complete badass. Realize if you catch yourself feeling uncomfortable ‘touting’ yourself, and then get over it. Write it down and put it somewhere that you can remind yourself of how amazing you are.
The most important thing in this life is finding yourself, and you loving you, to live your best life. Yes, work on yourself to grow and be better, but don’t do it at the expense of simply pleasing somebody else.
Go on and fiercely love yourself and be successful doing it. You won’t lose anything.
